We are very often asked "what is kink"? and even more often...
"...WHAT IS CONSCIOUS KINK?"
In short, KINK is everything that falls out of conventional sexuality. Each individual has a unique expression of sexuality and specific feelings or situations that turn us on. These commonly include feelings of excitement, shame, humiliation, restriction, worship, deification, adoration, objectification, etc. Any practice outside of the normative kiss-oral-penetration that takes to feel can be considered as KINK.
Kink usually involves engaging in behaviours that generate a certain power dynamic and adopting an associated identity. It heightens not only pleasure, but also the intimacy, growth and deep transformation of the partners and it is always consensual.
BDSM, Shibari and even Neo-Tantra practices are non-conventional interactions, therefore KINK.
Other words used to describe the field of conscious kink are: kinky tantra, shadow tantra, urban tantra, dark tantra or sacred BDSM.
WHAT IS CONSCIOUS?
According to psychoanalysis, conscious is the part of the mind comprising psychic material of which the individual is aware of one's own existence, sensations, thoughts, emotions and surroundings. Talking about sexuality, it means that rather than acting on habitual unconscious behaviour patterns, we choose to fine-tune our awareness to ourselves and each other in the present moment and act in a way that serves the situation.
CONSCIOUS KINK is for us to go into an intimate practice (sexual or not sexual) which has been previously consensually negotiated and usually involve one (or more) giving and one (or more) receiving poles. Rather than suppressing or acting out in an unconscious, self-destructive way or merely to fulfil our own needs, CONSCIOUS KINK is the exploration of our full spectrum with our heart open, and entails complete presence with our physical sensations, emotions, and energies.
HONOURING OUR TRUTH
By discovering and claiming our desires, we are honouring our truth. Allowing ourselves to be seen as we are, we create self-acceptance and authenticity. Our play becomes a powerful force for self-exploration and discovery, providing endless potential for personal growth and fulfilment, and offering joy in unexpected places along the way.
WHY CONSCIOUS KINK?
We both come from a yoga and tantra background. We explored tantric rituals, consecrated love making, yoni & lingam massages. and pujas among other practices. Tantra taught us how to sensitize our senses, how to generate sexual energy, how to sublimate it AKA refine it into more subtle energy that we use for manifestation and how to become multiorgasmic and have a wide variety of orgasms.
Tantra initiated us into sexperiences in each chakra and into the sacredness of sex. Above all, tantra taught us how to be present with us and with others and how to love WHAT IS.
We found the tantra communities to be deeply dogmatic. Restrictive 'spiritual' diets, geometry and feathers accessories, stiff roles for men and women, narrow view on how femininityor masculinity should look like, invasive ways of connecting (unconsensual eye gazing or hugs), only soft and sensual interactions to be termed ‘sacred’, unhealthy teacher-student power dynamics, judgements towards people less advanced “on the path” to name a few.
On the contrary, modern BDSM, kinky and sex-positive communities hold a broader space of freedom. Everything and everyone is radically accepted. The so called ‘dark side’ is integrated and therefore is not dark anymore and, correspondingly, it becomes an adult game.
Gender fluidity is accepted, celebated and embodied. Conscious communication around consent and boundaries happens fluidly and is mastered on a deep level. Moreover, the spectrum of practices without fluid exchange is larger, which reduces the risk of STI´s and emotional attachment.
We find ourselves in the middle way, our sexuality is tantric and it is also BDSM. We embrace everything and #alittlebitmore. We bridge worlds. Conscious kink or kinky tantra is our home.
BENEFITS OF SEXPLORATION
Increased intimacy with ourselves and others
Improved emotional mastery and empathy with others
Master domination and surrender not only in bed but in other aspects in life. How to dominate a situation? A project? How to surrender to a given situation?
Releasing physical, mental and energetic blockages
Self-acceptance and self-love
Improved ability to express our needs and to receive pleasure
Embodiment of a broader spectrum of energies which will come handy outside of the bedroom
Exploration and understanding of inner-child wounds
Healing of parental relationships
Release of fear and shame around sexuality
Merge with our true selves
LEADERS & INSPIRATION
We cannot write about conscious kink without mentioning the two names we admire the most.
The first one is Barbara Carrelas (Urban Tantra) for building the bridge Tantra - BDSM and for her queer approach to neotantra breaking up the equation masculine=male and femenine=woman in both her personal and her professional life.
The second one is Felix Ruckert for his understanding of sexuality as art and the manifestation of edgy spaces like the former Schwelle7 in Berlin, EURIX (rope bondage) and Xplore festivals. Xplore Berlin is probably the biggest and edgiest festival on conscious kink in the world.